The Doctors TV Show Trickery

Today 1/11/10 Convinced me of the suspected con that this show was pulling. They introduced a person as “An old favorite of ours” who has an astonishing weight loss plan. On she comes all smiles and full of beans and starts raving about some 400 calorie a day diet, “A diet that is seen for the first time in America or anywhere else” All the “Doctors” spout off about how good it sounds and lots of “Mmmm” and “Ahhh” and “That interesting” and all the time this “person” has a grin on her face like the Cheshire Cat. She gives you little snippets from the book to wet your appetite (pun intended") and then tells you from what web site you can buy it. Every  “Doctor” gets a piece of that action. And the lead idiot “Doctor” wears scrubs to emphasize his wonderfulness. Just that alone warns me off. These low down quacks need to be exposed to what they really are..QUACKS with a GLEAM OF MONEY IN THIER EYES

A Londoner in America S.L.C.

Language is a problem, or I should say, they, have a language problem. Or, perhaps its the drive thru technicalities that are faulty. Even if I turn off the engine they have a problem. Taco-Bell seems to understand me pretty well, Although it might be a local thing. The worst? I would say Arby's, I love Arby's, so its a shame. Its a problem, but not big enough to not go to Arby's.

Of course I find it terribly amusing mostly, My Americans wife and child however do not, which I also find terribly amusing. And the more embarrassed they get, the more amusing it, gets. A sample follows:

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  Disembodied Voice: Would you like to try one of our value meals today?
  ?
  
  
  
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  Me: No thank you, can I have an Arby's roast beef sandwich?
  
  
  
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  Voice: I am sorry, could you repeat that?
  
  
  
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  Me: An... Arby's.... roast ....beef .....sandwich! (1 second pause between each word)
  
  
  
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  Voice: We don't do chicken sir
  
  
  
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  Me: Really, how extraordinary. I don't thing KFC does roast beef either
  
  
  
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  Speaker: Pardon sir, Most reef?
  
  
  
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  Me: sure, most reef it is then, exactly what is reef?
  
  
  
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  Speaker: Pardon sir?
  
  
  
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  Me: Unfortunately, I haven't the power to pardon you, what did you do that needs pardoning?
  
  
  
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  Speaker: Pull round sir, I cant understand you.
  
  
  
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  Me: I am going to pull round, I cant understand you!
  
  
  

Thus ends my fun, face to face doesn't work, plus my wife and kid have by now beaten me to a pulp, cant think why.

Analysis

There is within me a need to emphasize the difference between our languages. Being a Londoner with a rather harsh dialect (apparently). See Chas & Dave below.

I am a little (for want of a better word), annoyed at the Americans for tearing English apart. Despite the fact that as a Londoner, I do the same. The Queen has probably the perfect grasp of the English language, (as you would expect) Go Queen! (I would give 50 dollars to hear the Queen say " Me n me usband")

Australian Accent

So, I have lost count how many people assume I am Australian once I speak. And although its very endearing, (Poor things) (Australian Accent) it still gets up my nose. You see, Australians have no accent of their own, they have a version of a London accent, introduced quite legitimately by convicts sent to Australia (Is was a penal colony) and once they did their time, they had no way to return home, so they settled right there, speaking with a London accent which evolved into Australian. Well, what would you expect from a bunch of crooks and thieves.

More Fun With Words

In cockney rhyming slang a “Yank” is slang for an American, and to make matters worse cockney rhyming slang for "Yank" is “Septic Tank” which in turn is shortened to "Septic". Which sounds awful I know, but its not meant in a bad way. On a side note, I didn't know a septic tank from a hole in the ground before I moved to Florida. Where lo and behold the first major job I had on my new house was, putting in a new septic system. Apparently, the previous owners put in a leach bed that ran up hill. Another notch on my gun handle.
Of course I have absorbed some American lingo: I now call a garage a gerarge and a route a rowt, I now go to the bathroom not the toilet, (or Bog as I like to refer to it with amusement) children and animals go to the “potty”.

Preferential Treatment

The area I now live in has little or no British people, therefore I practically am the sole representative of England. And therefore my accent opens a few doors that otherwise would be firmly closed. There was a hotel and bar called "The crown" which was run or owned by a British couple. They however left under an alleged  cloud of bad debt. Thankfully, I have kept a (successful) low profile since. Not that there would be any flack coming my way because of their behavior.

Then of course there is the police

I personally have no argument with the American police, I can only judge by what I see and hear. Obviously, not every cop in the usa is crooked, that would be grossly unfair to the good cops , no matter if they are a minority.  A perfect example of a bad cop happened to me just last week. I was driving north through Brooksville, A one way road. Up ahead I saw a cop with take out food (Doughnuts probably)cradled in his arms trying to cross the road. A set of  traffic lights were on green probably 25 yards away and the flow of traffic was heading towards and thru the lights before reaching the cop. It was oblivious he wasn't interested in waiting for the light to change to red so that he could cross, he was edging into traffic. A small car was hidden behind a larger car and therefore knew nothing of the stupid cop, the cop had to step back or he would have got clipped by the small car, well, the abuse that cop shouted at the small car was a disgrace, the poor little old lady never knew what happened and fortunately for the cop, she continued on, I was ready to give evidence of abuse against that dumb cop if she had stopped, I was hoping mad let me tell you, I almost stopped to give him a piece of my mind, when I realized I am in America, and the cops here are, the law. and would change the law to arrest me. So discretion became the better part of valor.

In England I would have given him such a mouthful and the policeman would have done nothing so outrageous. In England, your allowed to criticize the police.

Its funny how I find it difficult to call an English policeman a cop, and its natural to call an American cop a cop.

In fact, I hav e yet to hear anyone say anything nice about the police here. Thinking back to 1979 when I actually stayed in the house of a cop, or his parents house anyway. This was in California, (The motto of which is: “Eureka”) even so I was shocked when he invited me on a ride-a-long and they were going to shoot a few +******s during the night. Obviously, I declined the offer and moved out that same day I believe.

I remember following my wife (Lori) from the parents in law home one evening, The police stopped Lori for no seat belt, and I naturally stopped behind them. Well, the second cop practically raked my car with bullets, as He thought I WAS DANGEROUS FOR CARING ABOUT MY WIFE, what a nut!